I am not sure what has instigated this current need of mine to scrutinize, when and why, I offer consolation. Possibly the stage of life I have entered. Certainly there are many situations in which I am grateful that I have the resource, impulse, desire to soothe, to comfort, to empathize.
But there are tragedies in which, at least for a while, there is no consolation. These are the particular truths that are excruciating to bear alone. Consoling might comfort the consoler, but this just reinforces the isolation of the one who is inconsolable.
To be with someone as they are experiencing what is unbearable one cannot protect themselves from the magical thinking that they themselves will always be spared. The impulse to console can be based on comforting the consoler and this may leave both more isolated from themselves and from each other.
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As humans we cannot bear the unbearable alone.
To be responded to, to be cared about and not offered solutions or solace in these times is the kindest and most genuine giving.
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